Yes, it is true. To the surprise of absolutely no-one I have purchased The King of Phones, The Son of Jobs, the (angels singing) iPhone. The price drop was too much. Two months, $200 how could I resist. I could sell my old phone, sell my old ipod on eBay (oh eBay, what would I do without you and your legions of willing buyers!) and I’m pretty close to the cost.

It looks very cool on TV, I wanted it, but not that bad (meaning as long as I bit my tongue hard enough I could resist flying out the door to buy it.) Then I saw one in person. Oh my. Oh my. Geez… I’m a sucker for gadgets and this was such a gadget. You may have read complaints about it, people finding one thing or another that wasn’t quite right, and they’re true. It is definitely a flawed device. But only in context of what might have been.

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I had this pointed out to me the other day.  Parker Brothers has updated the ever-popular Monopoly game so that even really, really dumb people can play.  The assumption, I guess, is that nearly everybody now has at least one copy of Monopoly (we have three for some reason) leaving only one market left untapped; people who failed first-grade mathematics.  Introducing Monopoly for Really Dumb People an edition designed to take all power of thought away from you, the player so you can focus on moving your top-hat (or the ultra-modern Segway?!?) playing piece.

Ok, I get that this is an attempt to update this game to work electronically but come on, how hard is it to add $100 + $100?  How are you supposed to slip that extra $500 under your seat so no one knows how much money you actually have?  Where’s the fun in that?  Where’s the benefit to being the banker if you don’t get to skim a little bit off the top each time you pass Go?

Legions of kids learned how to do simple math in their heads by buying Park Place while watching someone else buy Broadway.  Now we can teach them how to use a calculator as soon as they can punch the buttons and we won’t need addition anymore.

What I really can’t wait for is for a totally cashless society so I can buy a Monopoly that simply scans the barcode tattooed on my forehead.  That would be easy.

[Edit: My wife pointed this out to me, so credit where credit is due.]

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I forgot the cardinal rule of parenting last night.  If your child says "I need to..." followed by a description of any body function, particularly those that involve fluids and chunks, quickly throw them into the nearest bathroom.  There is no negotiating.  You cannot delay, wheedle, plead or reason with said child.

The bathroom door was locked, my child said he thought he needed to throw up.  I said (why, why, why!) ‘you’re fine, lets go downstairs.’ (Why, why, why!) If I were reasonable I would have done the only sane thing: kick in the bathroom door and chuck my child in the direction of the toilet before he could up-chuck on me. I chose the insane thing instead and we went downstairs. 

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I saw Darwinism in action the other day.  (Fine it was a few weeks ago.) I’ve seen plenty of people doing plenty of stupid things while driving.  Reading, makeuping, eating (guilty), talking on a cellphone (more guilty), driving while stupid etc.  I suppose it was inevitable that some idiots would text while driving.

However, I always imagined that even idiots had a limit to how far they would go.  I passed a guy, on a motorcycle, while tailgating, driving a bit erratically because… he was text messaging.  Yes, on a motorcycle and no he wasn’t wearing a helmet, or even a bad-ass leather jacket.  He probably didn’t crash, but I’m fairly certain our gene pool will be that much cleaner soon. 

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...for a six year old.  And my six year old loves it.  Which is the point, as it were.  Superman is the kind of hero you wanted to be when playing games as a kid. 

"Bang! Bang! You’re dead!"

"NO! I’m bullet proof, and anyways I’m faster than a speeding bullet!"

"AhhhHA! I’ve caught you!"

"NO! I flew away! And I have XRAY vision and laser eyes and I can hear everything."

"Well, I’m really strong and I just threw a car at you!"

"...but I’m stronger than steel!"

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